Bugs In A Jar

Anyone paying attention knows that local law enforcers have relatively recently been granted access to spy satellites. Those familiar with the technology understand the capabilities and necessity, which reminds me of a pleasant evening I spent at a family reunion.

Naturally it was a pathetic affair as most of them are of the lesser sort. But there is one, a 9 year old niece, who shows special promise. As I was musing on the porch after the catered dinner, she was out in the yard, giant Pacific northwest temperate rain forest conifers towering all round. There was a constellation of about 5 lampyridae glittering by the fence. They were flashing in sequence, which was mildly interesting, but not to the degree of that which followed. My niece was flittering about trying to catch one in a jar. Eventually she met with success and ran up, handed me the jar with a smile and chirped "Here, uncie!"

I congratulated her and enquired as to what she intended to do with such a worthless object now that she'd captured it. Her gleeful response was "Kill it!" I was delighted, even slightly impressed--defective genes (her father) rarely produce something so energetic, purposeful, and capable. I promptly returned the jar and said "Show me."

She proceeded to perform an amusing skit by pretending to be a judge who placed the insect on trial. She proved herself a very witty child. After about three minutes of hilarious court mimickry, it was found guilty of light pollution and the sentence rendered: "Death by drawing and quartering". She actually said those words, pronounced them with just the right measure of mock somberness, in fact. I think she must have recently watched a movie along these lines; in any case it was a precious farce.

Apparently it was an amusing diversion for her as well, as the execution took several minutes. I watched the entire affair intently and was proud of her amateur entomological knowledge. "First," she stated matter of factly, "we remove the right elytron." And she did: plucked it off neatly with thumb and forefinger. She enjoyed her work, giggling and breathing heavily all the while as the thing thrashed about hopelessly in her hand. It was prolongued suffering right up to the final moment when the creature's biological functions were snuffed out. Its end occured when she sliced the thorax off with one of her red press-on nails and then smashed the whole mess between both palms. She intently watched the shimmering luciferase-luciferin saturated mess between her fingers. Her eyes were wide and reflected the beautifully eerie light. Then she laughed and ran inside to wash. The jar was left on the ground in the moonlight, dewy grass draped about it, and a myriad caelifera stridulated in the moonlight.

It was a remarkable actuality. Before I got in my car for the trip back, I rewarded her with a crisp 20 and a pat on the head.